He's "Spirited" By Definition

It's happened countless times. Today was no different. Toby and I went for a leasurely hike in park nearby and a howling dog frightened him. From then on, it was "There's a wolf! Carry me!" I know I can carry a limp or even kicking 40 pound child because of experience, but I always refuse to carry him unless we are in full-on meltdown mode. So, we head back to the car as I continue to reassure him. I'm pushing back on him the whole time with a kind voice and stern stance. He doesn't like it, and stays persistent repeating "carry me!"

Next, we had to pick something up quickly from Target. He became intensely stubborn. "NO!! You leave me in the car. I'm not going!" He has a way of wanting to dictate what we do and when we do it, which is also fun to push back on. "Toby, it's a very quick trip. We'll be in and out before you can count to 20." Then the crying started, bursting into tears before I could even get his seatbelt off. Ok, I tell myself, time to take a break. We sit in the car in the parking lot for 15 minutes. He's protesting fiercely the entire time. There are times at this point where I'd turn around and go back home, and others where I stand the ground. Just depends on how "together" I feel.

What happened next, well, happens. It just plain happens. Toby cannot dictate what we do or don't do all the time based on his emotional rollercoaster or his sensitivity to the outside world, or even because he'd rather be doing something else. I take him out of the car, crying, and carry him into Target to get the one thing I needed. (Make that two, if by this point you include a giant bottle of extra strengh Tylenol.) He is screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs. I calmly walk to the counter with my item. The clerk asks me, "What's wrong with him?" It's funny to me. I've been asked that same question multiple times by clerks. "He's just not getting his way." I carry him out of the store. By this point, all eyes are on us. Every person in the store is thinking one of three things: 1) What in the world did she do to that kid? 2) That's it! I'm telling my wife we're not having kids. 3) I've been there before.

He screams in the car the whole way home to the point that he couldn't even make words with his exasperated voice. He kicked the back of the front seat and had he known them, he probably would have hailed obsenities at me. Why? I was taking him home. I told him gently we were going home and he was going to bed. This caused the kicking and more screaming.

When he got in the house, he threw himself on the ground in protest. I quietly picked up his 40 pound thrashing body off the ground with ease ('cause I've done this before) and took him to his room. He was asleep in less than 5 minutes. Was this all caused by the fact that he was tired. Maybe partly, but this happens. He's a spirited child.

To read a great article from a fellow parent of a spiritied child and understand more about Toby, click here. I could relate to what she wrote, except that Toby isn't boundless with energy. He has all the persistence, sensitivity, perceptiveness, and issues with adaptability, regularity, and mood that you'd expect in a child who sets his own rhythm. As a baby, he didn't cry himself to sleep very often, he cried himself awake - for hours, sometimes vomiting because he refused to give up the fight. I like when the author said, "Our kids have many wonderful qualities. They're creative, loving and vivacious. As adults, they will take the world by storm." So true. We're still learning everyday how to help him navigate the world, and for us, how to host it for Toby. It will take some effort to get there, but I know he'll be amazing. He already is.